oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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