Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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