And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
