Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
