fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
