I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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