Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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