it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
