one might say we're banned from that church
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
