Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
