clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
