I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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