don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
