omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
