I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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