No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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