Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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