Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
