Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
