So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
