I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Randomize
