someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well I just put wine in my tea
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
