I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
its liver damage thursday
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
