2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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