Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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