shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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