We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
