apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
what day is it and did you see me today?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize