then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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