u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
