I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am one with the molecules
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
