when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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