Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
