you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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