Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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