I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
