I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
