MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
