I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
