My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?