I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
