I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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