help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
too bad you live with your parents still
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
