your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
