please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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