I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
