I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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