Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
