ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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