She is in my trunk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
