Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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