apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
