i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
