If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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