To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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