I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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