My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
