My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I touched a dick in church today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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