Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
