Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
