you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
