How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
