That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
