Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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