woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
