last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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