oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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