Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
