Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
