also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
