I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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