so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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