She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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