He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
