I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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