He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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