thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
