foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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