So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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