I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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